Sad loss

I have not been blogging for some time because, on Wednesday of last week, my lovely lovely mother died. She had been ill for some time and - as the result of negligible effective treatment at the hands of medics in two hospitals - she went home to try to deal with numerous complications of a liver abscess, and died of a pulmonary embolism. I am devastated. Without my mum, my life simply would not have been possible; without her, the joys would not have been as acute, the setbacks and sadnesses would have received no balm of kindness and love. She was, as all her friends have been telling me in recent days, a very special person. I miss her so much, the pain is a physical pain.

Off to Wiltshire

Off to Wiltshire tomorrow to see my parents for my mother's birthday. (They live in the beautiful town of Bradford-on-Avon, where I grew up). Naturally she's concerned about her 'little boy' - all of 46 years old - and his impending CI journey. But we won't let it dominate our thoughts. A friend emailed recently saying 'don't focus on the distant future, stay with the task in hand' and she is right, as is everyone else saying the same thing. There are moments when this doesn't seem such a big deal. Equally there are moments when it does feel like a choice between different forms of defeat...

Small steps.